Underage sex? Parents, just say no

Mothers and fathers need to take a firm hand when children

under the legal age want to have sex.
 
Mother knows best:

while children will always want to do what adults do,

the role of a parent is to provide discipline and censure 

7:30AM GMT 13 Feb 2012

'The best way for girls to avoid pregnancy is by taking an aspirin,” said the school nurse.

We all stared at her in confusion until she continued, laughing, “and holding it very tightly between their knees.” I went to a co-ed convent school.

Despite this and the Vatican’s standing on contraception, we were taught about condoms, the Pill and, most importantly, the legal, moral and psychological issues surrounding sexual relationships.

How things have changed.

Now it transpires that school nurses are prescribing a lot more than just an aspirin – they’re giving out contraceptive implants.

It emerged last week that in some areas, such as Southampton, schoolgirls are being fitted with the device in an attempt to drive down rates of pregnancy.

A 13-year-old who has received the implant spoke out to explain her decision.

She is reported to have said that she had the implant because she “felt like having sex”.

Something about the nonchalance of that phrase chilled me.

I feel like doing lots of things, but I can’t because the law says I can’t.

I’d quite like to throttle the person who makes announcements saying that there is a good service despite the train being delayed.

I feel fairly murderous when people drop litter, and when I have to phone a call centre.

There are times when we are late and we’d like to drive faster but the speed limit prevents us from doing so – and when we break the speed limit and are punished, it is roundly considered fair.

We all have urges and desires that are incompatible with the law and so have to restrain ourselves.

Should 13 year-old girls be given contraceptive implants at school without parents knowledge?

Yes. It's the most efficient way to reduce teen pregnancies

No. Parents should be consulted first

No. They should be taught to abstain from sex at such a young age

Yes. It would be an intrusion on their privacy to consult their parents

This poor girl is only a child, so I think we should be cautious before heaping any opprobrium on her personally.

We all did and said daft things when we were 13.

But surely this is the point.

She is a minor, viewed legally as not yet of an age to make appropriate decisions about sexual relationships.

So the girl might feel like having sex, but tough, she’s not allowed to.

 It’s the law.

A 13-year-old might not appreciate that, which, surely, is where the parents come in.

Given free reign, children would do all sorts of things they shouldn’t.

The role of a parent is to provide discipline and censure. So where is the parent in all this?

The young girl’s mother has insisted she is “proud” of her daughter but is demanding an apology from the NHS for not offering a follow-up appointment. “I believe they have neglected my daughter,” she has said.

Yes, perhaps there has been some neglect here, but I’m not sure that it’s on the part of the NHS.

Whatever the rights or wrongs here, I wonder why the mother isn’t more worried that her child is considering doing something for which she is too young.

I do have great sympathy with the NHS in Southampton – and indeed in many of these towns where teenage pregnancy is so endemic.

They are stuck in an impossible situation.

Either they sit back and watch young girls begin sexual relationships and risk throwing away their futures, or they intervene and risk a public outcry about giving contraception to underage girls.

A midwife friend worked in Southampton and was horrified by the rate of underage girls – children – who’d got pregnant and thought nothing of it.

For them, it was normal and, most tellingly, none of their parents seemed to care.

Something needs to be done, and perhaps offering covert contraception to schoolgirls is the only way around the epidemic of sexual amorality.

But I’m not convinced that the implant is even a very appropriate choice of contraception, given that it doesn’t offer any protection against sexually transmitted diseases.

I like to consider myself liberal when it comes to sex, and a libertarian with regard to the degree of choice the state affords people to make about their lives.

But as a doctor, I have worked with youngsters and can confirm what most parents will already know – that they really have no clue about the real world and, most dangerously, don’t realise their ignorance.

They will always try to push against authority, take risks and strive to do what adults do.

That’s why parents need to be there to tell them “No”.

When this is absent, what hope is there for the children?

You simply can’t put a price on the hospital chaplain

An impassioned debate took place at the Church of England General Synod last week in the face of an ongoing campaign to exclude religious influence in the NHS.

Secularist campaigners have demanded that the taxpayer should no longer fund chaplains in hospitals as the NHS is making cuts to services.

The National Secular Society has published a report arguing that they cost the NHS

£27 million a year and yet provide no clinical benefit.

I think this entirely depends on how one defines clinical benefit, and is rather a naive assessment of what happens in hospitals.

Certainly, chaplains don’t heal patients.

But surely medicine is so much more than simply curing disease. Its aim is to alleviate suffering, which can take many forms. I have called on the hospital chaplain to provide comfort and support for patients countless times.

For those with terminal diagnoses, who have experienced severe trauma or who feel scared and alone, they provide an invaluable service.

At one hospital where I worked, the local priest, Father Bruce, was a regular fixture on the psychiatric ward.

He would spend hours with patients, talking to them and advocating for them.

I remember a patient telling me that Father Bruce was the only friend he’d ever had.

Even though I am an atheist, there are many times when I’ve thanked God for chaplains.

Katie is a model example for medicine and charity

Katie Piper, the 29-year-old model who suffered horrific facial burns after her ex-boyfriend arranged for someone to throw acid in her face, has had her sight restored after undergoing stem-cell surgery.

She has made a programme about the treatment, which was aired on Channel 4 last week.

Katie is an inspiration.

 Not only is she evidence of the amazing capabilities of modern medicine, having had hundreds of operations for the damage that was done, but, through her campaigning and charity work, she is also a wonderful role model for the way people can respond to adversity

Seven ways sex is good for your health

 

A Valentine's day guide

 

Fri 11 Feb, 2011 12:00 am GMT

© Yuri Arcurs - Fotolia.com

Don’t worry about the calories in those Valentine's Day chocolates – a proper celebration in the bedroom can help keep you in shape.

In fact, sex can benefit your health in many ways.

Here are seven reasons to give and get a little love – not just this special day, but any time.

Good for the heart

 

Sex is good for your heart. Like any physical exertion, sex is a form of cardio-exercise, which gets your heart pumping faster and helps it stay in shape.

What's more, studies have shown that men who have sex two or more times per week cut their risk of a fatal heart attack by half.

Helps you lose weight 

Like any form of exercise, sex helps you lose weight. Having sex for 30 minutes can burn off 85 calories.

To put that in perspective: 15 minutes on the treadmill could burn up to 200 calories; 42 of these half-hour sessions, then, could shave a pound off your weight.

Boosts your immune system

 

While it's possible to contract a wide range of diseases, both from sex and from simple contact with others, safe sex between healthy partners can make you better equipped to fight illness.

Those who have sex once or twice a week have been shown to have higher levels of immunoglobulin A or IgA, an antibody which helps protect you from respiratory diseases like the cold and flu.

Don’t go overboard, though – in studies, those who had sex three or more times a week had the lowest levels of antibodies.

Reduces the risk of prostate cancer

 

For younger men, sex reduces the risk of prostate cancer.

Researchers have found that men in their 20s who had five or more ejaculations per week were one third less likely to develop the cancer in later life.

Although they found no such correlation for older men, you could try to prove them wrong.

Relieves stress

There's a medical explanation for the mood boost sex gives you.

The brain releases endorphins during and after sex, and these neurotransmitters create a feeling of euphoria while masking the negative effects of stress.

Researchers have also found that sex lowers your blood pressure, which is good for your health and allows you to better keep your cool in stressful situations.

It relieves pain

Endorphins and lower blood pressure also mean that sex relieves pain.

Endorphins are released during sex because of the heightened levels of the hormone oxytocin in your body.

This has been known to alleviate arthritic and menstrual pain, among other things.

Lower blood pressure can also help relieve migraines.

It helps you sleep

In addition to relieving stress and pain, the oxytocin generated during sex helps you sleep better.

 Sex relaxes you, promoting deeper, more restful sleep.

What more do you need?

All men watch porn, scientists find

 

Scientists at the University of Montreal launched a search for men

who had never looked at pornography - but couldn't find any.

Around 90 per cent of consumption was on the internet, while 10 per cent of material came from video stores 

1:22PM GMT 02 Dec 2009

Researchers were conducting a study comparing the views of men in their 20s who had never been exposed to pornography with regular users.

But their project stumbled at the first hurdle when they failed to find a single man who had not been seen it.

“We started our research seeking men in their 20s who had never consumed pornography,” said Professor Simon Louis Lajeunesse. “We couldn't find any.”

Although hampered in its original aim, the study did examined the habits of those young men who used pornography – which would appear to be all of them.

Prof Lajeunesse interviewed 20 heterosexual male university students who consumed pornography, and found on average, they first watched pornography when they were 10 years old.

Around 90 per cent of consumption was on the internet, while 10 per cent of material came from video stores.

Single men watched pornography for an average of 40 minutes, three times a week, while those in relationships watched it 1.7 times a week for around 20 minutes.

The study found that men watched pornography that matched their own image of sexuality, and quickly discarded material they found offensive or distasteful.

Prof Lajeunesse said pornography did not have a negative effect on men's sexuality.

“Not one subject had a pathological sexuality,” he said. “In fact, all of their sexual practices were quite conventional.

“Pornography hasn't changed their perception of women or their relationship, which they all want to be as harmonious and fulfilling as possible,” he added.

Revealed: the secret to an enduring sex life - cups of tea

 

Making love with a long-term partner is less about sex toys and snatched passion and more

about sharing time, intimate moments –
and cups of tea, says the marital therapist Andrew G Marshall.

He explains how couples can keep the spark alive

Celia Dodd

Tuesday 24 January 2012 
 

 
Cup that cheers:

stopping in the middle for tea and a chat means sex isn't just a race to the end,

Marshall says

Sex life a bit lacking?

 Take heart: the answer lies not in scary-sounding toys or tantric techniques, but a nice cup of tea.

That's the comforting view of leading marital therapist Andrew G Marshall. He explains how it works:

"If you stop in the middle of love-making to have tea and talk to each other, it shows how desire comes and goes – that sex isn't just a race to the end.

 It allows you time to be intimate with each other.

Sex which used to last 15 minutes suddenly lasts an hour and a half.

Sex doesn't have to involve going out of your comfort zone – although challenging yourself is good."

Marshall is on a mission to reclaim monogamous sex for couples who are puzzling out how to feel sexy with the partner who shares the frankly unsexy business of domestic life and bringing up children.

As a marital therapist with practices in London and Sussex, Marshall has enjoyed a rare insight into the love lives of ordinary people over the past 25 years.

His latest book is, How to Make Love Like a Prairie Vole: Six Steps to Passionate, Plentiful and Monogamous Sex (Bloomsbury, £12.99), published both as a book and an app.

In his view, too many couples resign themselves to little or no sex after the first few years and pretend they don't mind while secretly yearning for better sex – or resorting to an affair.

"Too often people leave a relationship at just the point when sex has the potential to get much better," Marshall says.

"One myth I particularly want to challenge is that after the first few years it's downhill all the way and once you get past 40 that's about it – you've got one last chance and you'd better grab it quickly.

That encourages all sorts of stupid affairs.
"However, if couples make love rarely it leaves the relationship pretty vulnerable, because we don't lose our need for sex.

 It's a wonderful way of feeding a relationship.

 It's not just about orgasms: what's particularly restorative is that afterglow, where you hold each other and feel cared for.

But if you don't feed your relationship it dies, or someone else comes along and feeds your partner.

I don't think people get divorced because they have a bad sex life, but I certainly think it's a contributing factor."

Marshall encourages couples to reinvent their sex lives every few years. It's not about spicing things up superficially with new techniques and toys but about building confidence and openness.

If couples can pull this off – in the face of undeniable pressures like kids and careers – sex gets better and better.

Yet the very glue that binds long-term relationships can hamper progress, because individuals are naturally wary of suggesting changes for fear of rocking the emotional boat and as time goes on there's so much more at stake.

And while it's all very well for sexperts to bang on about the importance of communication, most couples haven't got a clue where to begin.

Too often sex has become the elephant in the room; a subject far too scary to bring up because it feels like criticism. So much easier to bite your tongue and put up with things the way they are.

Marshall's advice is to avoid bringing up problems, which will make your partner feel defensive. Instead start by talking about what you like about your sex life and remembering what was wonderful in the past.

That should to break the ice for further discussions about how to bring more good stuff into the relationship now.

Marshall is also keen to bust the myths about sex which hold couples back: that it has to be spontaneous and that both partners have to be equally turned on at the same time.

"That puts people under extreme pressure," he says.

"What's needed is a bit of give and take and accepting that sometimes one person is in the spotlight, sometimes the other.

If you wait until you both feel in the mood you'd probably only have sex once a year, on holiday.

That's not to say you can't have spontaneous sex, just that you can't rely on it.

The rest of the time you need to plan."

And he urges couples to treat sex as a priority, rather than the last thing on the minds of two exhausted individuals.

Parents, whether their children are teenagers or toddlers, should take note: "If anything is causing problems in our sex lives, it's the sense that we have to be super-parents who are available to our children 24/7," he says.

"I can't tell you how difficult it is to persuade couples to put a lock on their bedroom door, although they wouldn't dream of barging into their kids' bedrooms!

If your kids hear you making love, Hurrah!

It says you are sexual creatures and I think that's incredibly reassuring because it gives children the message that their parents love each other – and that is a wonderful bedrock for them to have."
 
SEXUAL HEALING
* Take the pressure off by having a break from sex for a few weeks. Focus on touching instead.
*

 Develop habits that give you a head start, such as going to bed at the same time as your partner and keeping distractions such as computers and phones away from the bedroom.
*

Simple communication also helps: if you're going to bed, then make a point of telling your partner, so they know you haven't just gone for a bath or whatever.

*If you've got children, put a lock on your bedroom door.
If you're worred about being overheard, play music.
 Don't wait to be in the mood.
Sex doesn't always have to be spontaneous.
Plan sex.

* Communicate.
Bringing up the subject of sex can easily be taken as a criticism.
Don't focus on problems but talk about what's good about your sex life and what you enjoyed in the past.

Sex on the brain: What turns women on, mapped out

11:55 05 August 2011 by Linda Geddes

New Scientist

Online sex advertising crackdown could endanger women

30 November 2011 by Wendy Zukerman

New Scientist

Looking for Love in Other Countries

Written by Our Correspondent

Monday, 24 October 2011

for foreign brides increasing across Asia Officially there is no such thing as a “bride price” in the societies of East Asia.  But demographic, economic and educational forces are combining to increase cross-border trade in brides. Furthermore there are links between the bride “markets” in the region, according to Soohyung Lee in a paper for the Samsung Economic Research Institute (SERI). It also appears very likely that demand for foreign brides will continue to increase while the supply – as least from within east Asia – will likely fall, forcing east Asians either to look to the darker-skinned ladies from southeast Asia or even south Asia to meet their needs. In Korea itself foreign brides accounted for 8 percent of all marriages in 2007 compared with fewer than 1 percent prior to 1994 while for Japan the percentage has risen from 2 percent to 5 percent over a roughly similar period. In Taiwan the number is 22 percent and Hong Kong 39 percent (mostly from mainland China) and Singapore up to 40 percent -- though the latter number partly reflects the very large foreign resident population in the city state. In none of these cases does choice of a foreign bride, usually arranged through an agent, reflect a significant actual shortage of local women. The main reason is the reluctance of educated local women to marry and endure second class status in the household when they enjoy almost equal status at work and elsewhere. At the same time many men seem to prefer uneducated brides who they expect to be more subservient and happy just to look after the home. Lee argues that it is necessary to run social campaigns to make marriage seem more attractive to educated women by changing traditional gender roles in the home and to make the tax system less of a burden for two income households. South Korean men may in future find a new supply of brides from the North. But unless they do they look likely to find foreign brides harder to find at a time when the local gender imbalance has also increased. The main source for all five bride importers is China It accounts for 50 percent of Korean imports, 65 percent of Taiwan, 40 percent of Japan. But China suffers from a large and fast-rising bride shortage and is already importing (and, some allege, kidnapping) women from Vietnam. As incomes in China are set to rise much faster than those in developed East Asia, Koreans in particular – given their language and cultural differences – may find brides harder to find in China, at least against competition from Taiwan, Hong Kong and Singapore as well as the newly prosperous in China itself. Relative incomes are a determining factor everywhere but ethnicity is also a factor, which explain why almost 20 percent of Japan’s bride imports are from Korea, mostly for Japan-born Koreans. The second major source of supply for both Korea and Taiwan is Vietnam, supplying between 20 percent and 30 percent of their imports. Given its lower level of development Vietnam will probably continue to be an important source but competition from China itself is likely to grow rapidly. Vietnam also shows how interconnected these markets are. It used to account for 40 percent of Taiwan’s imports but fell sharply following changes in Taiwan’s regulations to require Chinese-language competence. The marriage market’s brokers responded by increasing Korea’s intake of Vietnamese women and reducing the percentage of Chinese while more Chinese went to Taiwan. So far the Korean and Chinese societies have largely shied away from importing from beyond the Confucian belt. Taiwan has some –probably ethnic Chinese -- from Indonesia and Thailand but the number has been falling. However, Japanese, often viewed as even more focused on ethnic homogeneity, have been more adventurous, with the Philippines providing around 20 percent and Thailand 5 percent of their intake. Certainly the Philippines and Indonesia look likely to become more important in the future both because of low income levels and a more plentiful supply of marriageable girls. The steep fall in Vietnam’s birth rate since the early 1990s, and continued economic growth, both suggest that supply a few years hence will fall. Thailand already has a labor shortage and an aging population so that it is importing women from Burma and Cambodia for the sex trade if not for marriage. Whether the bride trade will help broader Asian integration is difficult to say. But clearly it is already doing at least a little to break down prejudices and notions of ethnic and cultural exclusivity. Perhaps we will only know how far that goes if and when China begins to import brides from Bangladesh.

Mind-blowing sex warning:

 Over-exertion between the sheets can wipe your memory

 

Scientists cite case of woman who had sex then lost recollection of the past 24 hours

By Ted Thornhill

Last updated at 4:27 PM on 12th October 2011

Sex can be mind-blowing – but not always in a good way, as scientists have found it can wipe your memory.

They cite the case of a 54-year-old woman who arrived at a hospital in Washington DC in a state of panic because she’d just been intimate with her husband and immediately lost all recollection of the previous 24 hours.

This rare condition is called ‘transient global amnesia’ and is always temporary, but because it’s so severe, it can be very distressing, say researchers.

The brain doesn’t suffer any harm, though, according to one neurologist not involved in the case.

Indeed, brains scans of the woman at Georgetown University Hospital showed no damage had occurred.

Instead of closing shut, they are remaining open to allow pressure in the stomach to push oxygen-poor blood that should be seeping downwards to the heart, back up through the jugular veins and in to the part of the brain that controls memories.

Sebastian Ameriso, from the Institute for Neurological Research in Buenos Aires, told Livescience:

‘We don't know very much about the cause.

 It causes a lot of alarm, but this is not a stroke or an event that causes damage to the brain. It's almost always very benign.’

The 54-year-old woman, whose case was reported in The Journal of Emergency Medicine, will have been just one of three to five people per 100,000 a year affected by transient global amnesia.

In the majority of cases it takes just a few hours for the memory to return.

Exerting yourself in other ways - such as weight-lifting or even going to the loo - can also lead to transient global amnesia.

And it’s the older generation, those in their 50s and 60s, who are most at risk.

Ameriso urges anyone with sudden memory loss to seek medical help as it could be a symptom of something far more serious, such as a stroke.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2048278/Mind-blowing-sex-warning-Over-exertion-sheets-wipe-memory.html#ixzz1ad9E9nWM

How To Stay Faithful To Your Long Term Partner Forever
 -

 And Still Have Really Great Sex!

 

The Radical says-

 

Beat her once a week whether she needs it or not !

 

But at what ?

1. Stay in control

2. Ignore the bad moods

3. Give her better sex than the guy next door could.

and remember..........

Women are a sometime thing !

Without a doubt you'll have met couples deeply in love with each other, barely able to stop touching each other or kissing in the most public places. You probably even felt that way yourself once!

And so you'll probably also know how sexual attraction begins to wane after a few months, years, or even decades, of being together with the same person.

True, not all couples lose their sexual desire for each other as time goes by, but most of us find things cool off from the early passion of a relationship ... we tend to blame stress, the demands of children, work requirements, tiredness ... and, yes, just about anything else that may be occurring in our lives.

If sex is a once-a-month-event -- or even something that never happens at all -- these are the things we usually blame.

But....what would you say if I told you that the real reason you're having less sex is that you've turned yourself off? After all, you can turn yourself on.....so why wouldn't you turn yourself off?

It may seem like a revolutionary idea, but the great news is that if you turned yourself off, you can turn yourself on again just as easily. I'm going to show you exactly how to do that.

But before we get there, we need to acknowledge that this drop in sexual desire is usually regarded as normal -- as something to be expected.

There's a widespread belief that couples in a long-term relationship inevitably experience a decline in sexual desire and a growing lack of interest in each other, a reduction in how often they have sex, and perhaps also a decline in the level of sexual pleasure and excitement they get when they're making love.

Well, believe it or not, there is in fact a biological change that explains why people lose some of their sexual attraction and desire after a few years of being together.

It's to do with hormones in the brain. In the early days of a relationship, the hormones produced by the brain generate a feeling of arousal, sexual excitement, and euphoria.

That's one of the reasons why new couples can't even stop thinking about each other.

But after a while these hormones decrease, and that's the point at which we all have to start working on the relationship. The problem is, most of us don't know how to.

Happily, it's actually very easy to keep the passion alive in a long-term relationship!

Forget the biology of hormonal changes in the brain, forget the cultural beliefs about getting bored with our partners after we've been with them a while, and above all forget the idea that you're destined to lose your sexual desire and libido.

Not a single one of these beliefs is true. You can have the greatest sex you've ever had in a long-term relationship, even after decades together!

And if you don't believe that statement now, then you will when you've read this website and found out how you can enjoy a long-term monogamous relationship that includes the greatest sex you've ever had.

To get you started, here are some basic tips to keep your long-term relationship full of passion, excitement, and hot, hot sex.

Ring the changes

The first time you have sex with a new partner, it's exciting, exhilarating and passionate: there's so much to discover about your partner, and every time you have sex it seems to be different.

So inevitably, when you've been with them a while and you know a few things about their sexual desires and preferences, and you've discovered what they need and what they expect from you in bed, there can be a sense of routine.

The way to deal with this is to just simply change your patterns: if you have sex in the morning, make love in the afternoon; if you have your foreplay in the bedroom, move it to the sitting room.

Try having sex out of doors or in every room in the house (yes, every room in the house!).

Such changes are simple but they can make a huge difference by introducing an element of excitement and novelty. The same is true, by the way, of toys and clothes and role-play.

Keep your identity

Do you believe that the emotionally closest couples are the ones who stay hang on each other's arms all the time, who are never apart? If so, it might surprise you to learn that the most successful relationships are the ones where the couple maintain a high level of independence -- they have their own interests, their own friends, and their own activities.

That's not to say that a successful relationship is built on abandoning your partner! Far from it: what it means is that if you have a rich and satisfying life outside the home, you will have an even more rich and satisfying life inside your bedroom with your partner: each time you meet them there, you will see them with fresh eyes.

Prepare to work at sex

But don't get the wrong idea about what that means.

The fact is, you just have to put a bit of effort into meeting your partner's needs, as well as expressing your own needs. And simple though this is, doing so will make a huge difference to the level of sexual excitement and emotional satisfaction you feel.

After all, good sex is based on intimacy (where intimacy means understanding your partner and feeling close to them). And intimacy is one of the simplest things in the world to build up -- you can build intimacy just by talking, by expressing your innermost thoughts, feelings and desires. Yes, it's as simple as that.

Don't panic

Most people feel insecure if they think their sexual relationship, or their emotional relationship, is threatened. Well, the truth is this rarely happens.

If you were brought together by shared values and interests in the first place, and you once found each other physically exciting and sexually desirable, then it's very likely that you have a sound basis for your relationship to continue. If you've lost your way, you simply need a new route map -- and that's what this website will provide.

By the way, it's unhelpful to believe there are rules about how sex should work for a couple, or how often you should be making love: comparing yourself against what you think the rest of the world is a route to unhappiness.

But working out what you want to do with your partner, and what he or she wants to do with you can be much more fun! 

This is particularly true where one member of the couple has a different level of sexual desire to the other (or even just different expectations about sex). In cases like this, one partner may convey subtle (or not so subtle) rejections or discouragement to the other. For example, a man may want more sex than his partner, but because they are not communicating effectively, she may repeatedly discourage him.  It's not hard to see how this might lead to a decline in sexual activity.

But again, it's so easy to put it right, and to find a way for both members of the couple to get their sexual and emotional needs fully satisfied in a loving relationship -- no matter how long-term it is. Let us guide you here: we explain in simple, straightforward steps everything that you need to know to keep the fires of passion burning and your relationships simmering for the long term!

Stay loving

We've already mentioned the need for intimacy to sustain a relationship. But there's more to it than that: in the early days of a relationship, the excitement of being with your partner is enough to keep you coming back for more. When you've been together for a few months or even years, your partner may be more attracted by deeper qualities:  your honesty, your values, your loyalty, your sensitivity, your confidence ... whatever they partner feel is attractive and important.

These are the qualities you can share to best advantage, the qualities that will make your relationship blossom again. We explain exactly what men and women want in a long-term relationship on this website, so that you can understand exactly what your partner is looking for, how you can provide it without giving yourself away, and exactly how you can get what you need from them in return .

Date Your Spouse or Partner

Couples in good relationships always show each other their true feelings. And, surprisingly enough, this might even mean showing your partner your fear, resentment and anger. When all's said and done, the best route to intimacy is complete honesty and openness with your partner. By expressing your feelings and responses in this way, you show them respect and increase intimacy.

You can also demonstrate how much you enjoy your partner by making an effort to show them how much you love or respect them... and that doesn't need to be difficult: you can do it with romance. A loving weekend away, a special day, little treats for each other, small romantic acts that show each other how much you're thinking about one another, take little time and little effort. We have hundreds of these ideas on this website designed to generate intimacy, love, and ultimately sexual desire for each other.

Show Each Other (And Other People) Your Love for Each Other

One of the things we don't do in this society is to honor our relationships adequately. So, we tend to shy away from public demonstrations of how we feel for each other: something as simple as holding hands in public, or kissing in the street, or smiling at each other in a way that hints at the sexual pleasures we share. All of these things and more clearly demonstrate how you feel about your partner; and such shows of affection will reinforce your desire for each other. If you think this sounds too simple, well, believe us, it isn't - and we'll prove it to you on this website!

And because it's never too soon to start, no matter where you are at the moment. Now is the time to start rekindling romance. Take some action and love will soon return, with sex hard on its heels! If you don't know how to start, we have many suggestions about how you can rekindle love and romance in a stale long-term relationship, helping you celebrate your relationship as a couple.

Love One Another

On of the biggest problems that long-term couples can have is the thought or reality of infidelity. Just how are we supposed to stay faithful in a long term relationship? There are others who seem more attractive to our own eyes or perhaps our partner's; we know sex can decline; why would one or even both partners not look outside the relationship for sex, love, intimacy or affection?

Yes, this does happen, it is true. But you know what? The only reason for it is that two people don't know how to meet each other's needs within a long-term, committed, monogamous relationship.

Sex can be just as intense, satisfying, and frequent in a long-term relationship as outside it. In fact, a sense of attraction to somebody outside the relationship, no matter what it's based on, is something you don't even need to think about when your emotional and sexual needs are being met in your relationship. Why would you ever go outside it?

If you don't believe that you can have great sex in a long-term relationship you need to read this website right now! Before you do anything else, in fact! We'll prove to you that sex in a long-term relationship, with conscious choice and commitment to that relationship, can be better than any sex you'll ever have outside it. Period.

Sex and Romance

So what it comes down is this: sex, intimacy and love, supported by romance and mutual respect are the core values that keep a relationship together. If you've lost them, you can get them back - and pretty easily at that.

One thing that's certain: it's a lot better to work at restoring your relationship so it's exciting, powerful, passionate and committed rather than abandon it and go off and start again. That often produces only heartbreak and misery for all.

We believe your best option is to discover how to make love to the same person for the rest of your life in a monogamous relationship that excites you, turns you on, fires you up with passion, and generally makes your heart sing! And this is the website that can show you exactly how to do all those things......

Women are more selfish than men and more likely to bad-mouth their friends says study

By Daily Mail Reporter

Last updated at 1:06 AM on 6th June 2011

 They ignore charity workers at the front door and take bigger piece when they split chocolate, claims survey

Women are more selfish than men and more likely to bitch about their friends behind their backs, a study today revealed.

The survey claims they ignore charity workers at the front door more than men and shun office workmates by making their own tea.

Women are also less likely to return a favour and don't bother handing money back after seeing someone drop it.

Blokes fared slightly better - helping out elderly with heavy shopping bags and giving change to the homeless.

The conclusions emerged from a study which questioned 2,000 people of both sexes on their attitudes and behaviour towards selfless acts.

The study was commissioned by Original Volunteers, the UK's largest independent overseas volunteering organisation, to mark Volunteers Week.

Programme Director Caroline Revell  said: 'It's unfortunate to see a large portion of the nation considers themselves selfish.

'We're all guilty of the occasional selfish act but this just goes to show how precious we've become over our own time.

'It appears that giving up your time is the ultimate sacrifice, more so than dodging charity collectors in the street, bad-mouthing someone for a personal gain or forgetting a friend or relative's birthday.

 

'The highest areas of selfishness include giving up time to volunteer, with over 80 per cent of both women and men never considering or taking part in volunteering abroad.

'And while volunteering and getting involved hasn't entered many people's minds, helping others can often mean you end up helping yourself too.

'People have the chance to try out teaching, working with street kids, saving endangered species and exploring new cultures.'

More than half of females (55 per cent) admitted they choose the evening meal without taking their partner into consideration.

Three in ten have picked a DVD they wanted to watch without even consulting their other half and more than a third admit to regularly breaking a piece of chocolate in two and taking the larger piece

A third have lied in order to improve their chances at work and four in ten haven't got hold of members of their family for 'too long'.

Men were also far from being squeaky clean - a quarter said they haven't given someone cash when they were in desperate need of it and one in five purposefully try to dodge buying rounds in the pub.

The same number have pushed into a queue and one in six have splashed someone in their car.

And while they're happy to volunteer at a sporting event, men are less likely to help at fundraisers or go abroad for projects.

They've also not given a colleague a lift when they are obviously going their way and more than a quarter have passed the buck to a colleague after making a mistake at work.

Not clearing up after themselves and going after a girl they know a mate is interested in are also common occurrences for men.

The study also found seven in ten of participants admit to being selfish and nine in ten said they could do more to put other's interests or welfare before their own.

Incredibly, half of people said they committed two or more selfish acts every day.

Eight out of ten said they had never considered volunteering to help a charity or organisation with hectic lifestyles, long working hours or apathy the most common reasons.

Almost one in ten said they didn't bother getting involved because 'there's nothing in it for me'

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1394507/Women-selfish-men-likely-bad-mouth-friends-says-study.html#ixzz1ZBn6dEm7

Stickman Weekly  18/9/2011

Marriage Thai Style

The divorce rate in Thailand is reported to have doubled since the late '90s, but at 20% it remains significantly lower than it is in most Western countries. 

When it comes to married couples staying together, and presumably marital happiness, the Thais seem to be doing something right.

But throw a foreigner into the mix and everything changes. 

There aren't any comprehensive surveys on the divorce rate in marriages between Western men and Thai women. 

My observations suggest that, irrespective of where they live, how they met and what their respective backgrounds are, that the divorce rate between Western men married to Thai women would be on a par with, or perhaps even exceed that of the highest divorce rates in the West i.e. 50%+.

The norms of dating in Thailand are somewhat different to the West. 

At least they used to be because dating, relationships, love and sex in Thailand are going through a period of rapid, dramatic change.

Traditionally, a young, single Thai maiden would not go out on a date alone.  For perhaps the first few months family members would accompany her as chaperones.  They were there to make sure there was no inappropriate physical contact and to make sure that the guy she was dating was suitable. 

Some young Thai women weren't allowed to spend any time alone with a young man.  It isn't that long since young Thai women would only date a guy she considered marriage material.

Things started to change post Vietnam War.  Change was gradual, but picked up steam in the 90s and positively accelerated early this Millennium as income levels increased, Internet usage became more widespread and urban Thais adopted more and more aspects from foreign cultures.

At the end of the Vietnam War, Thailand was socially conservative, ultra conservative.  Unmarried women typically wore ankle-length dresses most of the time and there was no physical contact whatsoever with a young man. 

Of course some couples were rolling around down the back of the farm behind the buffaloes, or sweating it out in short-time hotel rooms, but this was frowned upon, not just by parents and elders, but by their peers and society in general.  It just wasn't Thai!

Dating in Thailand was once a very deliberate and structured process for two youngsters to get to know each other, and to determine if the person they were dating was suitable to spend the rest of their life with. 

It was not long before marriage was discussed and couples married young.  There was no chivalrous proposal with him getting down on one knee, but a discussion with the lady about the future, of what he, the provider, planned work-wise and how he would provide in the future. 

Given that traditionally many women remained at home and it was the man who brought home the bacon, a man's plan for the future was a major factor in her decision.

The respective families of the couple to be would meet formally to discuss the couple's future.  Each family would look closely at each other, evaluating what the other brought to the table.

Throughout the whole dating ritual he might not lay so much as a finger on her.  A woman's virginity was valued and just as she was expected to be a virgin, a man who took it was expected to marry her. 

Failure to do so could result in serious consequences.  Even today in some rural areas and / or with more traditional families, a young man who takes a lady's virginity might face pressure to make an honest woman of her.  And if she were to fall pregnant, the pressure could be immense.

Of course she may not have had her first intimate experience before marriage.  Thai oldies tell us how in their day a good Thai woman would wait until her wedding night but the odd older Thais reveals that that was not always the case.

Part of the agreement to marry included the negotiation of sin sot (dowry / bride price), a dated custom that had its place but which I believe is totally out of place this century and at odds with modern Thai cultural norms.

When the culture of relationships and love in Thailand resembled what is still mistakenly and unfortunately perpetuated in many Thailand travel guidebooks and culture guides, the sin sot might have had its place.  Back then the sin sot was as much a "guarantee" as anything. 

If the man left the woman after marriage, she would often be spurned by society and seen as a bad wife.  No man would want her as she would be seen as being used and soiled.  Unlike today, men performed most jobs, and women looked after the household so without any income she would not be able to look after herself. 

Even today, many Thai men abhor the idea of marrying a woman who was previously married or who already has children.  So if the man left her, the sin sot provided means for her to have a future.

If the opposite was to happen - and from all accounts such was not at all common - and she cheated on him, the sin sot was supposed to be returned.

In modern day Thailand where marriage is not necessarily seen as a life-long commitment, the original arguments for the sin sot are no longer valid.  Unfortunately the sin sot has become distorted and is today seen as a means of gaining face for the bride and her family with outrageous amounts sought - irrespective of the nationality of the groom. 

Every Thai man still expects and accepts that a sin sot must be paid.

So in summary, in traditional Thailand, a young couple would have chaperoned dates, there would be no intimacy before marriage, there'd be a meeting of the families before marriage with frank discussion about future plans and at the time of marriage a sin sot would be paid.

As traditionalists and Thailand society in general struggle to come to grips with the rapid changes in the local culture of dating, love and sex, a young Thai couple might not be chaperoned, nor even supervised.  You can be sure that young women dating young men are monitored by their family, especially if they live at home and / or are dating their first boyfriend.

Thailand still has a relatively low divorce rate, so why is it that so many Western men fail to find happiness in marriage to a Thai woman and why do, in my observations, many marriages between Western men and Thai women go bad?

There are a number of reasons why marriage between Western men and Thai women may not work out.  Often the couple got married quickly, before they each had a chance to really know each other. 

Plans for the future are often not discussed with each person holding their own ideas about what the future.  In some cases the payment of sin sot and other riches may have been her primary objective and once it was paid there was no reason for her to stick around.

If the couple had gone about dating in a more traditional Thai style there's a chance it might have worked out - or they may have worked out they were just not compatible before they committed to each other.

Chaperoned dating is not common when a foreigner dates a Thai woman today.  Many westerners are uncomfortable with the idea.  A lot of Thai women have dated just one foreign guy - and it went so badly that they will never date another.  Invariably he just wanted to bed her, and once he managed that he was gone.  Chaperoned dating may have helped.

Even today, physical contact between a young Thai guy and girl means that marriage will follow, especially if he is her first.  Every Thai man knows this, even if he may not respect it.  A foreigner involved with a Thai woman who introduces her to the world of intimacy should expect similar.

Today Thai couples take their time to get to know each other.  Rural Thais may date for several years before marriage.  This gives them to get beyond the promotion period and really get to know their partner, their friends, find out about their work life, their habits and their family.  It takes time.

When getting involved with a foreigner, things seem to go fast and many western men marry a woman they have spent little time with and who they really do not know.  It is a sucker who marries before all the data is in.

When things get serious and marriage between a Western guy and Thai woman is discussed, the formal meeting with the family is often omitted.  Big mistake!  There's no reason why an older, respectable Thai known to the foreign guy cannot be engaged to attend the formal meeting with the family of the bride-to-be and represent him. 

The best families may even insist on it.  Given that most foreigners are not that familiar with Thai culture - and as such the lady's and her family's expectations - what follows might be a surprise - never a good thing in marriage!

When it comes to sin sot, which needs to be talked about openly and honestly, often the message is that the foreign man must pay xxx,xxx baht - way over the odds. 

For him, there may be little or no understanding of the significance of this payment, what it represents and what will happen to the money.  Failure to get a respected Thai involved is potentially asking for trouble.

Thais are pragmatic when it comes to marriage and it's no secret that some families from difficult - read poor - backgrounds whose daughter presents a white man to them may get excited at the perceived benefits he brings.  Failure to look after himself physically, hygiene issues, lack of familiarity with and failure to adhere to local customs, to say nothing of being twice the daughter's age can all be overlooked. 

In some cases it is understood from the outset that this is a marriage of convenience that will not last - the pay off makes it worthwhile.  In the past it would be considered shameful for a Thai woman to knowingly marry a foreigner with the intention of later divorcing him for financial gain, changes in attitude have been so great that it may not just be overlooked, but admired by some, looked at as a legitimate way to get ahead.

When a foreigner enters the equation, traditions can take a backseat.

The approach of Thais to dating pre-marriage might be conservative, but it seems to work.  There's a decent argument that adopting some of the principles Thais follow might increase the odds of a foreigner finding marital bliss with a Thai lady.

The notion of chaperoned dating can be awkward for Westerners, but it's hardly the ordeal it once was.  Typically no more than one date will be accompanied.  Use it to your advantage and be sure that your trusted friends meet your darling long before you even start to discuss the idea of marriage with her!

As with modern Thai couples, in Bangkok at least, there needn't be any great rush.  Date for at least a couple of years before even thinking about marriage.

The pre-engagement discussion *is* important and should not be avoided.  Take along a senior, respectable Thai you trust.  Don't let your first meeting with your in-laws take place on the day of the wedding ceremony!

And when it comes to the sin sot, don't be afraid to point out that it is a dated ritual with little relevance and in many ways has no place today.

When considering marriage with a Thai woman, I believe that doing most things the Thai way can help your chances of finding happiness.  Reluctance on the part of your Thai darling to do things as a Thai couple typically would should be looked at with skepticism, even suspicion.

Perhaps the biggest problem foreign guys considering marriage with a Thai lady face is that as soon as they meet their first Thai femme fatale they forget everything they have been told or have read.  Commonsense disappears.  Sometimes with Western men in Thailand it's just hopeless!

 

Britain on top in casual sex league

A new study has found the British are the most promiscuous western nation