The joy of sexting
About to text someone a raunchy message?
Save time by consulting this handy dictionary of sexting acronyms for adults
o Eva Wiseman
o The Observer, Sunday 8 July 2012
Getting fruity: sexting for grown-ups.
My favourite thing about sexting (the concept, not the act, how gauche) is not the glorious fizz of tension in the air when you see youths grinning at their phones, or even the terrific horror stories about missent messages, a hundred lost penises floating unmanned above Rhyl.
It's the codes. The acronyms, the emoticons, the secret ciphers used by teenagers to point to obscenities.
An American newspaper recently decoded them for their older readers, and I learned a lot. PiR means "parent in room". GYPO: "get your pants off". GNOC: "get naked on camera".
That sort of thing. IWSN: "I want sex now".
But why, I thought, should those adolescent sacks of lust have all the fun?
Grown-ups in long-term relationships have sex, too.
Admittedly it's probably a bit slower.
A bit less IWSN, and they're often the PiR.
It's sometimes slightly "TV on in the background so you don't miss the X Factor results".
Quite "50 Shades of Grayson Perry on 4OD".
But that's no reason to lose the codes.
For reference, here's a grown-up sexting dictionary.
Come home, I'm ovulating
too much effort compared with YouPorn
shaved whole legs, front and back
imagine I'm your ex-wife
you've gone too far
are you too knackered for sex tonight?
do me in my sleep
screw me like a banker
let's play Game of Thrones
Newsnight in bed?
300 thread count sheets just washed
I've drugged the kids
feeling too fat
"Community Support Officer" (naked under my Hi-Vis vest) PPU
prostate playing up
next week I promise
everyone else enjoys it
take your Spanx off slowly
doing my kegels
dress as Susanna Reid
or shall we do a box set?
mute the baby monitor
that bit in the Beyoncé video
but the therapist said
ride me like a street food van
sexual favours in return for night feed
threesome with the NCT mum?
MasterChef role play
waxed my back
quickie by the recycling bins
love you when you don't leave your bike in the hall
let's go full Boden
tie me up with a pashmina
I want to spoon now
is it organic?
no moisturising mitts tonight
spank me with an Amis